Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
