OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
