I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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