HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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