i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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