Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
