Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
