dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize