toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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