I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
