i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
