Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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