My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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