Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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