Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Found the puke drawer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
