you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
