someone threw a dead crab at me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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