Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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