No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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