And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize