Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
