im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
