What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
