I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
