My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize