RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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