I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
