you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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