2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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