You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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