Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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