I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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