he puts the penis in happiness.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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