Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
