Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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