He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
