She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
