just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
