Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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