Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
