If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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