I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
