I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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