when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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