Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
