about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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