whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
