So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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