you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i out mim tonsoeep
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