I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
