But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
