I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
