The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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