Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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