Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
