I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
