i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
