Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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