trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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