Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
