Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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