I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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